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tilthat

TIL that due to their small brains koalas are unable to perform complex, unfamiliar tasks such as eat leaves off of flat surfaces.

via reddit.com

toast-potent

how are they even alive

kickin-jeans

eucalyptus trees are full of flammable oil that causes the trees to explode during forest fires, killing other trees and spreading its seeds to grow in their place. koalas survive solely because nothing else in their environment Wants To Eat The Fucking Bombs

humandisastersquad

#I WROTE THIS POST #god dont get me fuckin started #the NUMBER of times ive Gone Off abt koalas in zooarch class #on a scale of koalas to wombats how good is ur marsupial at Being Alive #hey hey u know what else? koalas are so picky with their diet that theyll only eat the leaves of one (1) type of eucalypt #and even then ONLY specimens of that tree that are within a very tight geographic range of where the koala was born #the rescue centre in my city? they have to ship branches from all over the state bc koalas there physically Will Not Eat anything thats not #from their very very small very precise home range #theyd rather starve to death than try leaves from like the next suburb over #i have 60 other reasons why koalas spit in the face of natural selection hmu if you want YELLING i cant be bothered to list them all here #god theyre so incomprehensibly dumb. god #HEY ALSO the reason their brains are so small is bc YEah the one SINGLE species of tree they eat is incredibly toxic #their diet consists of 1 food and it is Brain-Shrinking Poison (@reyroace)

reyroace

oh u like that? try this one: the main natural cause of death in koalas is starvation, because

1) their dumbass teeth are SHIT. to be a herbivore and chomp cellulose all day u need some real tough grinders in there, and almost every other herbivore in nature has SOME sort of dental adaptation to make sure they dont run out of tooth by the time they hit middle age. horses have big tall teeth, wombat teeth grow forever, kangaroos have got a little conveyor belt system goin on, etc etc everyone’s doin SOMETHING except fuckign koalas. idiots have tiny fuckin shortass normal teeth that do an okay job for maybe like 15 years and then wear down and leave them with ridiculous fuckin useless old man gums that do shit all. but thats fine bc all koalas do anyway is sit in trees and sleep 22hrs a day then wake up and scream and eat poison and they do this all day every day until they run out of teeth at which point they just fall out of the tree and die

2) idiots can’t die any other fuckin way bc nothing in nature wants to eat them bc their bodies are chocker block with LITERAL poison. fuckin USELESS their flesh just sits around and slowly rots bc its too gross-tasting and toxic for any animal w half a brain cell to think abt going near it. have yall ever seen koala viscera. bc i have and let me tell u that shit is RANK. looks like the inside of a smoker’s lung from some fuckdamn nicabate ad bc the tannins in eucalypt leaves stain their organs like khaki black. like some fuckin dark!steve irwin costume well better piss ur way right off from this one anti-steve bc thats a natural defense mechanism meant to warn u that koalas should in no way be alive and if u touch them theyll drag u into their stupid evolutionary dead-end where they get to sit around all day doin fuck all and pumpin themselves full of brain-killing poison while we run around makin them our olympic games mascots and pretending theyre cute and honest to god looking for ways to save them from the brink of extinction which actually is unnecessary bc a) theyre not really endangered at all, nature is a fuckign miracle and b) the drongos clearly want to die so i say let em

reyroace

by the way i never elaborated on “koalas sit in trees all day screaming” but heres a lil fuckin. heres a fun nugget heres a lil soundbyte this is what koalas sound like

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jmeBQVQIsTU

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O0cAx1jLbJk

curlicuecal

Also, it doesn’t matter that they’re eating brain-killing poison, because their brains are already tiny, and smooth rather than folded they way most animal brains are to increase neuron surface area. Also full of holes? These animals are so fuckin dumb, they’re basically like if vertebrates tried to evolve a scale insect.

when-in-doubt-sing

Fucking dumbasses I love them

fetus-cakes

so they’re the terrestrial equivalent of sunfish?

fancynewaddress

im crying omg

saxifraga-x-urbium

What’s the bird equivalent

shephaestion

WITHOUT A DOUBT it is the kakapo, the cutest yet worst-evolutionarily-pranked bird in existence

i believe there are only 148 of them left ON EARTH (and they all have names!!! like Felix and Guapo and Gumboots its CHARMING) because they evolved with zero natural predators and therefore are FLIGHTLESS but sometimes FORGET THEY ARE FLIGHTLESS and jump out of trees

their natural instinct when faced with danger is to just…freeze and not move….which is basically one tiny step above just walking into the hungry maw of the invasive cat/ferret/rat/raccoon/etc etc

they are also Very Bad at mating and, oh btw, mate only ONCE EVERY 5 YEARS OR SO when one particular berry (the Rimu fruit) has a good year

anyway they are the worlds heaviest parrot and only flightless one, can weigh like 4kg/9 pounds (BIG FRIEND), and if they can avoid being blissful evolutionary dum dums can live 60 TO 100 YEARS if only they can keep it together, bless them

saxifraga-x-urbium

Oh my god

fieldbears

It is illegal for me to not include this video

dazzle-camouflage

They don’t ‘forget how to fly’ - Kakapo’s will climb trees and then yes, jump to then glide down. Its not always elegant.

I don’t think people understand how the kakapo literally evolved to suit it’s enviroment and it was super well adapted!!!! Until settlers brought cats and dogs and foxes because NEW ZEALAND HAS NO NATURAL MAMMILIAN PREDATORS because birds like the kakapo and the kiwi only had to worry about like, hawks and eagles. And that’s it. They’re not dumb! They’re not evolutionarily backwards! They are literally dying out because of introduced species killing them that they naturally have no defense against!

If you only had to worry about flying birds, you wouldn’t have to worry about anything finding you by scent; which means you can afford to be slow and conserve energy. Kakapos freeze when they meet a predator because their plumage is super suited to blending in seamlessly to its natural habitat. If your predator uses sight to track prey and if that prey can camouflage then buddy!! That’s a good defense mechanism!!

brontozaurus

People often assume that evolution is a process like levelling an RPG character into an unkillable god.

It is not.

Evolution is basically a guy who puts character builds together for the sole purpose of exploiting the game mechanics for funsies.

Meet the skimmer.

Skimmers have evolved to fly along the surface of the water with their lower bill partly underwater, grabbing whatever they bump into.

This is a completely ridiculous means of feeding and nothing besides the three skimmer species does it. Dragging their bills through the water creates huge amounts of drag, so they need more energy to fly than usual and specialised skull and neck adaptations to avoid ripping their own heads off. Skimmers also cannot see what their bills touch underwater, they just stick them in the water and hope for the best while trying not to crash into stuff and break their bills (which happens).

Skimmers are exactly as ridiculous as koalas but by god they’re going to do their thing.

biowareaddicted

“Evolution is basically a guy who puts character builds together for the sole purpose of exploiting the game mechanics for funsies.” is one of the best descriptions of evolution i ever heard. It doesn’t matter if your build is a joke build, it just has to work. A good part of the fun in studying evolutionary biology is finding out HOW IN HELL do these joke builds actually work. Everyone can look at a wolf and say “what a perfect predator, the terror of every herbivore, i stan”, but finding out why his distant cousin, the maned wolf, decided to walk on stilts,eat berries and practiced what’s basically ant-assisted agricolture? That’s when the fun begins.

thestray

Like… the intention is good, but I don’t know how I feel about the angle of “you shouldn’t bully someone because you may not know the whole story”. You shouldn’t bully because it’s fucked up.

That girl you called fat, maybe she’s NOT starving herself. Maybe she just likes to eat. You want to call her names because of that? Fuck you.

That girl you called a slut, maybe she’s not a virgin, maybe she’s had a lot of sex with different people, sex is fucking AWESOME! Your hang ups with women and sexuality is not her problem. You’re an asshole.

That boy you pushed down in the hall… maybe everything’s great at home for him, so the fuck what? Don’t put your hands on people you piece of shit.

That black girl you teased for her skin color… just, fuck you, period. Doesn’t matter what the fuck is going on in her life, you’re fucking garbage. Get the fuck out of here.

The old man with the scars… seriously? Like… if you’re making fun of an old man’s scars you’re too far gone, you’re some kind of amoral sociopath or something cause that’s just some fucked up shit.

That “gay boy” you made fun of? Go fuck yourself.

The man you made fun of for crying? He just watched the episode of the Office where Jim and Pam get married, so what? Who cares why he’s crying? People have emotions dipshit.

That poor boy? Oh you’re one of those assholes who makes fun of poor people? Go die in a fire.

How about just don’t bully people at all for any reason cause it’s a fucked up thing to do regardless of what you do or don’t know about them? Treat people the way you want to be treated, it’s that simple. We’re all human beings just trying to be happy, you make the world a worse place when you try to stand in the way of that.